I know we just spoke, but I could not help but hear the strain in your voice. I recognized it well, having heard it myself on my low days as a parent. The strain that comes with the fear that you just cannot do it all. That you may after all, be a simple mother, with very human boundaries. It may seem now that you're failing, I'm sure you've beaten yourself up many times mentally today, yesterday, the day before... You must know though, that your stumbles throughout those rough days are only so terribly apparent to you, because you want more than the best of you for your children. It's in our nature, to want to give them every ounce of what is good of us. That's what makes it so hard when we feel as though we cannot. You must realize though, that your children don't see you as the terrible person you may feel like at the end of the day. They have already shaken off the lunch time debacle, they've already forgotten the frustrating bath time. They can do this so easily, because they don't need to see you being perfect every second of everyday; they see your heart, your love for them, even when you think they don't. They don't need Mommy to do everything right, to always react perfectly in stressful situations. What they need is for you to show them what being vulnerable looks like. To show them that even on our worst days, we can acknowledge our flaws and grow from them.
It is the curse of every parent, to sometimes carry a heavy heart. Heavy from the responsibility, from the stress, from the sheer enormity that is molding other tiny little beings. Our hearts, our minds, our bodies are devoted to the task that is parenthood. It can become overwhelming at times, but you must always remember that just because you are overwhelmed, does not mean you are failing them. The simple fact that you would even become an emotional masochist over something so trivial as one bad day, shows that you're doing your job right. You care so much about filling their lives with love and happiness, that a few bad days cause your heart to break. You are aware of how precious every day, every moment, is.
Your children see this. Your children know this. Your children feel this.
So the next time you feel the strain of it all start to bear down, give yourself a moment. No where does it say that every problem needs to be given a solution. No where does it say that you are meant to find one. Accept that you will fail, understand that your children will push you, know that it won't always be easy. Sometimes you will go to bed disappointed in your choices that day, other times your heart will burst from the amazing-ness that comes from having children. But always, always, know that it does not make you a failure. Failing would be walking away from the struggles of parenthood. Failing would be choosing your own happiness, over the responsibilities that you accepted the day your child was born. Every day you wake up and you are present, is a success. Every day that you are determined to make better than the one before, is a gift to your children. Even when you aren't doing it perfectly, you are still doing it; and that is something your children are already thankful for.
No comments:
Post a Comment