Generation Incommunicado.

Sometimes I find it hard not to rant. Sometimes I find it even harder to remember that, more often than not, people could give two flying figs about what it is I feel like ranting about. Which is mostly why I leave it all right here on a blog, allowing my rant to fizzle away into the ether. I get it off my chest, you read it if you choose to, and we all walk away unharmed (usually). I've found though, that most people don't have the same restraint when it comes to their ranting. Most times, the ranting or complaining turns into something ugly. This is usually due to the fact that people nowadays seem to think that having an opinion or a point of view is some sort of contest. That it is somehow their sole mission in life to make every single person have the same opinions that they do. When did we start de-valuing unique thought? The true spirit of communication seems to have become lost in a generation of screens and clicks on a keyboard.

Honestly. It's exhausting.

Over the years, I've adopted a very specific approach toward what I choose to discuss with people; "Is it kind? Is it necessary? Is it true?" It's under this mantra that I've tried to navigate myself through relationships, friendships, even parenthood. And it's a delicate balance, because sometimes even though something may be true, it may not be necessary. And other times it may be necessary, but it isn't going to come from a kind place. This has caused some people to take away from knowing me, the idea that I hold grudges. Which isn't exactly true. I acknowledge the whole of every situation I am in. I can see where I've faulted, where voices maybe should have been louder, where I need to acknowledge a larger hurt I've been inflicted with. And sometimes, as cowardly as it sounds, it's easier to just walk away. Which I think is different then a grudge. Because I walk away without prejudice, without resentments. I walk away with the knowledge that I was less than perfect on probably more than one occasion. That it always takes two parties to stumble and fall, that I should see where I did so, and grow from it. Sometimes it's because I am overcome with what I feel is true and necessary, but still love that person enough to know it's not worth the pain my words would cause them. Sometimes there are hurts that words just can't fix. Sometimes it's up to the person carrying that hurt to find a better, more cathartic, way of dealing with things. I find that there are situations where there are some things just better left unsaid.

As a parent, the deep level of understanding this type of communication requires, starts small. It is vital for me as a mother, that I teach my sons that their words deserve respect. That their thoughts and their voices are of the utmost importance, but not at the sacrifice of someone else's feelings. You can't speak or listen without understanding that each and every person requires a different focus. There will be people who will accept your harsh honesty and they will grow from it, but there are others who would break under it. Who would need more of the kind, and less of the necessary. They will know that the truth is paramount. The truth is also not always kind, which is where restraint should introduce itself. They will know why we cannot cultivate gossip, because your truth isn't always the absolute truth. Others have theirs as well and their truth is just as important as our own. They will know that disrespect is never tolerated. You can never truly know what someone could be going through, what their perspective of something may be. My children will know that if it isn't something you can keep to yourself, it is something that should be taken directly to the other person involved. Every one deserves that chance to explain themselves. It does not require a third party, it does not require presumptuousness or slander. It requires honesty, compassion, and the ability to understand all sides of a situation, not just your own. Regardless of the emotion, all communication deserves respect. If that cannot be given, then it is something better left kept to yourself.

I suppose my ranting for today is mostly because I am disheartened at the things I see around me today. The mudslinging on message boards and social media. The total disregard that the person on the other end of words typed so easily on a keyboard, is a real, feeling, breathing human being. How I see families on television airing their dirty laundry for a paycheck, while the rest of America sits and eats it up with a spoon. As if having zero respect for the people whom you claim to love and care for, is something that should be championed. It hurts my heart a little. And while I don't claim to always say the right thing, or that I always communicate things the way I should, I do see the need for something to change. And I hope by guiding my sons through this dangerous mine field that is "The Communication Era" (oh, the irony) that I can leave something better behind than what we have now. That they can learn a lot sooner in life than I did, how compassion and communication are the tools needed to fix the hurt in this world.