The Toddler Life.

   On February 6th, 2007,  I was skiing and wandering a small little slope town, while on a ridiculously romantic trip planned by my lovely boyfriend. I had no idea that at the end of that wonderful afternoon, he would have asked me to be his wife, and I would have been given the biggest (and most special) surprise of my life. It was the beginning of so many things for us. Even all of those years ago on the edge of breathtaking Lake Tahoe, I knew that this man and I were going to create some wonderful experiences together.

   On February 6th, 2012, that lovely husband of mine and I, celebrated the birth of our third son. It was a miraculous day for so many reasons, only one of which being that our little boy would share his birthday with a day that had always been so special to us in our marriage. It was a real and meaningful thing for us, to see how we had come completely full circle from those two young fools who had so many ideas for what their future would hold. After all of these years, all of these moments, the simple joy of just knowing I have them with me, is more than I could have ever imagined back then.

   After our engagement, our wedding, our first son(then our second son), the trend had been set that people thought we were pretty much cray cray. We were young, with a penchant for wanderlust, and would sometimes leap with confidence into the unknown. The pregnancy with my third son was no different.

"It's too soon since his brother."
"3 under 4 is too close."
"You have no help, you won't be able to do it on your own"

It seemed that every one had an opinion, a reason for why we were wrong, that we just couldn't possibly know what we were doing. But on that day two years ago, I knew that they could say what they wanted. Because I knew the truth. This little boy was something so very special, and he was meant to be a part of our family.
 
So tomorrow my little baby will turn two. He will join his brothers in all of their big-boyness and I will be left, once again, wondering how I process the closing of one chapter, whilst preparing for the next. Even though he is my third child, I am still never really prepared for anything. And if I've learned anything in my journey of motherhood, it's best not to try. So as I enter into this new Toddler Life, I am left standing confidently with the lessons I have held onto dearly...

Comparison is the killer of joy. 

This is a simple quote, but it sends such a powerful message as a parent. It's so easy to get caught up in Mommy Wars, with who is or isn't doing what, with what you are doing wrong. You can't compare yourself as a parent to any other parent, because there is only one you. Just like each of your children are individuals and should never be held to any one else's standards, neither should you. The only person who you can compare yourself to, is who you were yesterday, and who you will hope to be tomorrow.

Guilt is a mis-guided and unfair form of punishment.

As a parent, guilt is unavoidable. As someone who grew up with a real problem dealing with guilt, my children have taught me the invaluable lesson of self-indulgence. How narcissistic are we, that we feel the need to emotionally punish ourselves for not being there for someone in every way? As though that person couldn't possibly survive if they didn't have us to help them? If we walk away from the laundry, from our children, our spouses, for a few hours, there's a solid chance that everything will still be running smoothly by the time you return. And if you surround yourself with people who love, understand, and support you in your life, I promise you that your guilt will be mis-guided. You're not a superhuman and it's unfair to punish yourself for falling short of superhuman standards.

Sometimes, there just isn't an answer.

Exactly as it says. Sometimes, your children don't need you to make it better. Sometimes they just want to be sad, sometimes they just want to be alone, sometimes they just want to be pissed off at their brother. Not everything needs a Band-Aid. And sometimes there will be things that need fixing that you can't fix. Just like sometimes you aren't going to be the one required to find the answers. It will be in that moment, that your children will have to use the tools that their wonderful mother taught them, to find the answers for themselves. And then there are times where the answers will find their own way. We just need to let it happen.

In all you do, trust yourself. 

This is the most important, as well as the most difficult. Doubt can be poisonous when you're a parent. And this is not to say that you should trust that you will always figure it out, because you won't. This is saying that you need to accept and trust all of the emotions and thoughts that accompany you. Trust the frustration you feel when your children won't stop fighting. Trust the overwhelming fatigue you have with a child who refuses to sleep. Trust that all you are feeling is a genuine emotion. It's natural. It's normal. Let those feelings, those moments, wash over you. Process them, accept them, and allow them to steer us to a better place.

Parenthood for me, has been a schizophrenic hodgepodge of brilliant and maddening moments. And as I officially leave my Baby Years and enter into Toddler Life, I know that my journey has only just begun. Just like when I felt a circle completing on that day two years ago, I will have similar moments in the future. Where something will click and I will be reminded that things come together, even when no one else can see it.