Before I was married, I had never really had a thought about how the choices I made for myself reflected who I was as a woman. I really only ever thought that my decisions reflected who I was as an individual. For some reason though, after I was married, people started to judge my choices in a very "feminist" manner. That may sound strange, so let me explain. It seems that as women, when we are single, any choice we make is met with a certain silent power. A power that only a single woman can understand. That you are standing strong and showing the world that you are a force to reckoned with.
After you are married though, it seems as if people want to place you in one of two categories; You either stay "strong" and cement yourself as this assertive woman or you become sort of this "lame duck" who roles over to her husbands every whim. For me, and I think for most other wives and mothers, neither of these labels is correct. My husband and I have a very open, very equal relationship. When we started our family there were a lot of people who had a negative opinion about my choice to stay at home with our children. They felt that I wasn't living up to my potential or that I wasn't taking a path that they thought would benefit my life. Even to this day, there are people that look down at me, because I haven't finished college or started a career.
It honestly leaves me baffled. Do you not have idea how hard it is to raise a child? Two children? If what we are talking about boils down to dedication, I can promise you, I have barrels full. I never understood these women who felt that they had something to prove just for the sole reason that they were women. That in itself is the reason why we have issues as a gender. If you are walking around as if you have something to prove, people are going to automatically think that there is a reason why you need to do so. I know I am a strong woman, I know that I am intelligent. Most importantly, I know that I am going to leave my mark on this world. At the end of the day, you need to make choices that are smart for your family. My husband is very good at what he does and he has what it takes to be very successful. I believe in him. If that means that I am going to dedicate myself to our children for the next five or six years so that he can get his business degree, then that is what will happen. Our family will benefit ten-fold from that sacrifice.
And in the end, I will be able to dedicate every ounce of my energy to how I want to shape my own future. I hate, yes hate, that women act as though they need to compensate for something. If you automatically think that as a woman you are already behind the eight ball, then you are buying into a stereo-type. Look at the music industry, film, literature, etc... I bet that the first five names that come to mind are those of women. How much do we need to do to convince ourselves until we no longer need convincing?
I refuse to feel bad that I choose to be a stay at home mother. It's not a life sentence, it's a choice. I get to sit with my boys and laugh. I get to stay in my pajamas and make breakfast for my family. I get to devote all of my energies into two tiny little minds, so that they are ready to be determined young adults. I will not feel sorry for that. I will stand behind every decision I have made. Scratch that, that WE have made, because my husband and I are a unit. All too often nowadays, that is not the case. I don't feel sorry for myself, because I know when it's my turn, that my husband will be the one who is making sacrifices. Who will be at home with our children while I am shaping my own mind, creating my own path. I don't need the world to acknowledge me as a strong woman, because I feel that within myself. I wish that more women did.
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