So I have been having a little mommy obsession as of late. Or maybe obsession isn't the right word. How about anxiety. I don't know about mothers of other little boys, but it seems like every time I leave the house I run into all of these little delinquents. And I am terrified that my sons are going to turn into that. I know a lot of how my children turn out will be determined by how I raise them, but I also know that a lot of how they turn out will be determined by the friends they associate themselves with. Who they choose to surround themselves with. I have mini panic attacks when I think about the fact that I am trusting my sons' good judgement in the hands of these other little monsters, should they find themselves friends with one. I know I will give him the tools to know right from wrong and that I will show them how to stand their ground, but I also know what it's like to want to fit in, to want to please your friends. And sometimes kids just can't help themselves. All of my hard work as their mother can be erased in a single moment, with just one decision. And depending on what the decision is, it could change the course of their lives. I know, it all sounds so...dramatic. It's true though. One bad friend, one bad situation, and it can all be undone. And I, as their mother, cannot guarantee that I will always be able to steer them onto the right track again. Sometimes it will be up to them. And sometimes, because there is always that chance, they might not be able to. It's terrifying. I don't think we always realize, consciously, how large of a part our friends play into the person we will become. I can think back, way back, and I know when that influence began. And you know what? I was the exact same age as my oldest son. I have a path of friendships from the time I was three or four years old, until today, that I know made me into who I am today. You're probably wondering how a friend that I had when I was three or four could effect who I am now, but I think sometimes we don't realize how quickly kids have to deal with serious issues. I had a friend, my best friend, that when I was four was being horribly tortured because her mom was white and her dad was black. By other four year olds. And here I was all full of innocence, trying to figure out what the big deal was. And at four years old I had to make a choice. I had to choose to either give in to those other kids and take the easy way out, or stand by my friend all alone, and show them they were wrong. I was also friends with another little girl. We were inseperable. And one day, for no reason, I was terrible to her. Terrible in the way that sometimes children can be. And I swear to you, that I can still remember the look on her face and the tears that I caused, to this very day. It was the first time I was ever truly hurtful. And it has stuck with me. Fast forward to a few years later and I met one of the very few people I have come across who I am so proud to know and so happy to say that they have been in my life. It was second grade and her name was Sarah(she may be reading this), and she was one of those friends that just made you want to be a better person. To this day she is one of the kindest, funniest, most wonderfully genuine people I have ever met. She showed me what it was to have a friendship that needed no work, expected nothing, and gave everything. I can only hope that one day my children can have a friend like that. Someone to show them that all they ever have to be is themselves, and that they should never apologize for it or change it for anyone. Then along came one of those friends that against all odds, you stuck it out with. Total opposites in every way from the day we met, up until now. There were so many times, so many situations, where our friendship could have easily just melted away, but for whatever reason it never has. We don't talk all the time, we sometimes go months without seeing each other, but we are always there for each other. I have always thought of her as that friend that God has placed me with; to learn from, to teach. I'm so very proud of the things we have overcome, and the woman she has turned out to be. And I know that when I'm 70 I will still receive her random calls and visits, and I will always be thankful for it. And unfortunately, we reach the friend that I fear for my children. The friend that enables your worst behavior, the friend that takes you down a path you never thought you would travel. To this day I think of the friendship we had and I look at it almost as an abusive relationship. I learned so much about who I don't want to be from her. And even though our relationship was dysfunctional and hurtful, I really believe the things I learned on the other end of it were some of the most important things I have ever learned. I'm just happy I made it out alive. The last friend on my short list of life-changing friends is the most important. She is the type of friend that only comes around once in a lifetime. The type of friend who, unfortunately, not everyone gets to have. Sometimes in life we meet someone who, when we look at them, we sense a part of ourselves. You almost know immediately that this person is going to have a huge impact on your life. It is almost intimate, the way a marriage is, without being like "that"(I know some people could take that in the wrong way) They are everything that you have been, that you are, that you will be. And yes, friendships are that serious, hence why I'm writing this post. It is another one of those friendships where constant contact isn't necessary, because you know that person will forever be there. Your relationship will never die. You could show up on their doorstep tomorrow without a single awkward silence, as if you just saw each other for coffee that same morning. I know she is reading this and I know I don't have to mention her name, because she knows who she is. She recognizes the uniqueness of finding your counterpart in the form a friend, just as I do. It's the type of friendship that teaches you more than you could have ever learned from your parents and is exactly what I meant at the beginning of this. That friendships, good or bad, have a way of teaching you more about life than your parents can sometimes. That it's exhilarating and terrifying for a parent to know this. And that I pray to God my children can sort themselves out after all is said and done. Because if friendships do nothing else, they turn you on your ear.
"Life is partly what we make it and partly what it is made by the friends we choose."
-Tennessee Williams
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