The Pondering Of A Covenant.

    Before 2012 started, I knew that it was going to be a big year for our family. The biggest, and most obvious of which, will be a beautiful new son. My third son. (Two weeks from his arrival and mommy is still mystified at his very existence.) He will join his brothers, and our family, at a time my husband and I have waited so long for. In the next two weeks we will have a new baby, become completely debt free, own all of our own home appliances, and will have finally finished the final touches on a kitchen and playroom that I have been working a very long time on. In the next two months my husband will start a business management program that will *God-willing* enter him into a management position by the end of the year. Come July, we will finally start taking the steps that will hopefully find us into our very first home in the next year. The end of this year will come with five years of marriage. 5 years. 

It's a lot to take in, a lot to reflect upon. 

   The one thing that I know more than anything else, is that our five years of marriage is what makes all of the other things on that list possible; big and small. I couldn't have done it alone, I wouldn't have wanted to do it with any one else. My marriage is what makes all things in this life beautiful, it is what makes everything we have worth having. I wake every morning eternally grateful for the man lying next to me and I go to bed each and every night, thankful that the Lord allows him to still be by my side. 

    I remember in the beginning of our relationship reading an article that said the hardest years of any marriage, were the first five. You have to re-learn your very approach to life; finances, friendships, family, intimacy, spiritually, emotionally, etc... That, my friends, is a very tall order. One that I think many people nowadays take a little too lightly(but that of course, is a blog post for another time). And as we stand here, on the cusp of all we've worked so hard for, it's impossible to forget all that we've gone through to achieve it, how undeniably true that article was. The last five years has been filled with more blood, sweat, and tears than I could have ever even fathomed on my wedding day. 

     

   Through the years, we have had our fair share of help and an even more equal share of sheer dumb luck. Any one that tells you that they haven't ever had a little bit of either, is lying to themselves. The difference in our marriage, I like to think, is what we have done with those advantages. When things got really tight, or we were really down, we always promised each other that we would never make the same mistake twice. We would learn, we would adapt. Come hell or high water, we would take every kick in the teeth and turn it into something we could eventually benefit from. Sometimes I look back and can't help but think that there was many a time where we unintentionally put our own selves behind the eight ball, but I wouldn't change a single bit of it. We could have waited for children, we could have stayed in Florida, we could have let people hold us back or take advantage of us just because they were our "friends", but then we wouldn't have been true to us. To who we were. More importantly too, is that we wouldn't have the life we have now. Every choice, good or bad, has led us to this beautiful place in our lives together. And in every moment, even the darkest and hardest, it never seemed that bad; because we had each other. 

     One of the hardest parts of the last five years of marriage, has been the outside relationships. To stay focused on who, and what, was worth addressing. And who, and what, was not. It's an amazing thing to experience, having people bet against you. Especially other married couples. That has always intrigued me the most. How people who have made the same vows and promises as you, can interpret their meanings so differently with their own spouse. Which I suppose is what makes being married so profoundly unique, but I would imagine we would all be rooting for one another, supporting the bonds we have tied ourselves to. The lesson we have taken from these people and those relationships is this: we grow, we re-commit to new things, we change. It's important to recognize which people and places can find themselves stagnant in your life, in your marriage. To see who and what is going to take your own relationship further, benefit it more. There is nothing mean or wrong in saying good-bye to someone or somewhere you have outgrown. It doesn't mean any one or any place is better than another, it is only people doing what they were meant to do; evolving. 

    The most important thing I have taken from the last five years would have to be learning not to apologize for putting our marriage first. At the end of each day, what is going to matter to us is knowing that we made choices and decisions based on what was best for our family and not for any one else. It took us a long time to realize that we didn't have to feel sorry for that. Our marriage, our children, is what needs to last for the long haul. We will always try our hardest, we will always try to make up for the times we fail, but we will do it on the terms that works best for our family. The times where we have forgotten this, are the times where our home suffers from the stress. Focusing on a happy home and a happy family is what makes all other things in our life possible.

    After five years, we can finally see the light. I see the lifetime we have worked so diligently for laid out before us and I'm so excited to embark upon it <3