I talk a lot about my mommyhood on here; the day to day struggles, my worries, the peaks and valleys so to speak. As mine and my husbands five year anniversary is quickly approaching, I have been thinking a lot about what we have gone through over the last few years. I've been thinking about what I want to get him, what I want to tell him, how I want to express all that we are in the most meaningful way possible. Then I thought,"Why am I waiting?" I shouldn't have to wait for any sort of special occasion to tell the world what my husband means to me. Especially since I feel that way all of the time, not just on our anniversary. So here I go...
Growing up, I had a very realistic idea of what life and marriage were all about. There were no Disney fantasies in my head, no thoughts that there was this perfect prince out there, awaiting to sweep me off my feet and attend to my every whim. As I got older, and my parents relationship quickly deteriorated, my focus on how a partnership should be, shifted greatly. I had to play hard ball with myself and where I was in my life, in order to find the type of man that was everything my father wasn't. I had been, for many years, filling the void my father had left in my heart, with people who I thought could fill it. Instead of focusing on finding people who would lead my away from everything he represented, I found myself knee-deep on a life path that would lead me directly back to him and all of his poor choices. It was, hands down, the most difficult time in my life.
On the eve of cutting myself off from every one I knew and every thing I had been attached to, I felt as though I was beginning anew. I felt like I was finally on the right path and that maybe, if I worked really hard on myself, I would be ready to look for that special someone in a few years. Two months later, I went to lunch with some friends, and met the man who would become my husband. He came out of nowhere, was completely unexpected, and I honestly believe, was God's way of rewarding me for my courage and fixing all that I had been doing wrong. He was His gift to me.
From the moment we met, we were never apart.
Fast-forward 6 years, about 7 moves, and 3 children later; I am more in love with him now than I could have ever even fathomed back then.
I am not going to sit here and lead you on to believe that our life is full of sappy looks and romance, because it's not. What our life IS filled with, is honesty, laughter, respect, understanding, kindness, and real love. These are all of the things that the little girl deep down inside of me wasn't sure could exist in a husband, in a father. To have found someone who listens when I am upset with him, who always tries his absolute hardest for his family(in every aspect), who accepts me when I am not my best, who would rather be with us than anywhere else in the world; all of those things were a romanticized version of marriage when I was little. To have found that they actually exist? And that I am blessed enough to experience it in my own life? For me, that alone proves that miracles exist.
I know it may sound strange that I relate how I feel about my husband, to how I feel about my father. For myself though, I think that it's a natural correlation. I distinctly remember once someone telling me, "Okay, but your dad was good to you when you were young, you had some good years." At that time I made a promise to myself that I would find a partner, a father, who would show that his job was never-ending. That there was no time frame, no acceptable amount of "good years" to be "finished" fathering or being a husband. Who knew that certain responsibilities don't come equipped with excuses or quick escapes. Who understood the commitment we would make on our marriage day and never go back on his promises to me or our future children.
My husband is not perfect, nor am I. Our life is difficult at times, we don't always agree on things, but we are unbreakable in every sense of the word. He makes every bit of the hard work that marriage requires, worth it. He is my very best friend, the one person who I know will never intentionally hurt me, and the most amazing father I could have given to my sons. I am writing this for him, because sometimes I may not tell him enough. I write this too though, for the ones out there thinking that it's not possible to find the happiness that I have. To show them that perfection isn't the answer, but acceptance and love are. That on the day you decide to love yourself and work toward a life of positivity, you may just stumble upon the happiest accident of your life.
To my husband, I love you; always, forever, and completely.
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