A Forever Home.

I've been gone for so long
But my heart it carries on
As it pounds like a drum
On my journey back home 

Home.

One simple word can evoke a multitude of images and feelings. For each of us, home represents something, or maybe someone, different. It's a place, a feeling, a memory. It's an ever-changing, but always comforting place to return to.

Since the time that I was 15 years old, I have lived in 11 different "homes". Over the past 12 years, I have never lived in a single one of those places longer than 18 months. My friends and family joke that I am a gypsy of sorts, a nomadic person who can never just settle down in one place. Parts of that are true. I do like to fancy myself a free-spirit of sorts. I like to feel as though I will be able to see and experience many places before I find the one that speaks to my soul. My forever home. 

The life I've led thus far has been a wonderful one. I've shared with life many difficulties, sure, but I've gotten to see and do so much more than most people I know. The places I've lived, the things I've done, they are all a part of me now. They are all intertwined with what I describe as my home. You see, I can't pinpoint my "home" to any one place any more. I can't tell you where I would be happiest or most fulfilled, because no matter where I land, there will always be a part of my heart, my home, in another place. 

My heart will always find home in the childhood I spent in a big blue house, listening to the train whistle while I fell asleep.

My heart will always find home in the kindred souls who would help heal me underneath a Florida sky. 

My heart will always find home in the peace I made with a snowy lake and a one stop light town. 

My heart will always find home in the land of blue skies and beautiful, green pastures.

Even as I reminisce about the time spent in each of these places, I feel emotional. It tugs at my heart to know that I can only ever just have one of them. It feels like the ultimate cosmic punishment, to have so many places welcome you with open arms, only to have to say good-bye. 

After so many years of moving trucks, boxes and farewells, my soul is finally starting to come to peace with the fact that it may be time to choose a real home. A place that will give my children the kinds of memories that I was given in that big blue house near the train tracks. A place that can be their center. A place that I can promise them, will not ever be taken from them. And as much as it terrifies my entire spirit to make such a commitment to one single place, I know that it will all be worth it. The time has come to make sacrifices for a true home. A forever home. 

So with that, I send myself on a mission. A mission that will change my life completely for a time, but one that will result in a dream I never thought would come to fruition; A big warm house with a garden in the yard, rooms built around memories made, and my children's squeals of delight running through it all.

Here's to forever.