An Ode To The Monster

   When I think of what I was going through two years ago, my heart sinks a little. There was so much pain, so much frustration, so much exhaustion. Everything about my labor and delivery was a complete train wreck. With the obvious exception of one 7 lb 4 oz little miracle of a baby, who would forever change my life. The second I heard his voice in that delivery room, I knew already how different he would be from his brother. I knew that this little boy would show me a whole other side to motherhood than what I thought I already knew. What I didn't know, but quickly realized over those first three days, was how deeply and resoundingly different my relationships with my sons would be. Those first few days in the hospital with him, I came to understand that. My relationship with my oldest son is unbreakable. We are both fiercely loyal, would do anything for anyone we loved, and are both very committed to our mother/son relationship. He is, however, a clone of his father.

    Since the day my oldest son was born, he and his father have had a very obvious connection that he and I just didn't have. I was never jealous, because I could tell instantly how alike they were. And I also knew that sometimes it's just easier to relate to someone who already knows what you are thinking, how you feel. I never felt like it diminished my relationship with my son, either. I knew that he and I had something special of our own. When my second was born, though, I suddenly knew how my husband must have felt over the last two years. It was like there was this overwhelmingly electric connection. I could just take one look into his eyes and feel as though I could read his thoughts, that he could read mine. It was exactly as my husband had always described it. For me though, it was different. It went beyond love. I felt like I knew this baby already, like we had met before. In some ways, it felt like he had just been returned to me, like we had been waiting for the day we would be reunited.

    The last two years have done nothing but reaffirm my first assessment of my son. He is his mother, through and through. I know why he is angry, even when my husband just cannot understand. I know how to handle his roller coaster of emotions, his passion, his flare for living, his tremendous spirit. Part of me feels as though this is because we are both Scorpios, though I know some don't believe that stuff.  And when some may feel that I give him too much free-reign, I just smile. Because I know his soul, I know he's done this before; he continuously shows me this with his confidence in himself and his capabilities. He has knowledge that goes way beyond his two short years. I remember hearing a Jason Mraz song for the first time and it was as though someone threw all the lights in the room on, because he had put into words, the feelings I had those first days in the hospital.

And just like them old stars
I see that you've come so far
To be right where you are
How old is your soul?

    The relationships I have with all three of my boys, varies like night and day. I have a separate, but equal bond, with every one of them; none of which super cedes the other. As I celebrate the birth of my second son though, I am completely convinced that we are given every child, at certain times, for a reason. My oldest son is his father, because my husband needed to know what that connection would feel like; it helped him become at ease in his parenthood. My youngest son was like this warm breeze coming in after a storm. Where the waters are calm and you know that it will all be smooth sailing. Easy with a smile, laid back and soothing. He is, and forever will be, the constant between the three of them. My middle son, the birthday boy, was the balance. He came in to push my oldest son, to encourage him to expand his boundaries, and show him how to handle that life can sometimes be difficult. When my youngest son was born, he greeted him as though you would an old friend. It was as though he came before, so that he could show him the ropes and explain all of the dynamics. When he was born it almost felt like he was expecting him, this specific child; the brother he knew he would be getting. 

   As a mother, birthdays are always so special to me. Not only because of what I went through, or because I was blessed with another baby, but because of who that baby is, what that baby brings to our family. My oldest, my youngest, my second; they are all unique and wonderful in their own ways. Each of them changed the tides of my life forever. Today though, today I celebrate all that is my second son. Because there was never one like him before, just as there will never be one like him again.

To my Monster

 Happy Birthday. 

  Never stop being you.